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I’m having an MRI tomorrow at 6:20am. The time is not ideal for me – mornings are hard – but I am grateful to be the first patient of the day during COVID. Hopefully, there will be less possibility for exposure to the virus. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

I’d initially cancelled this MRI, not wanting to go to the hospital during COVID times. But after having several “seizure-like events” this past month, I reconsidered. I think we need to know what’s going on with my brain.

I am straddling two lines of thought right now:
1) Having hope for my healing, and
2) Trying mentally to prepare for the possibility I’ll need another surgery.

It’s hard to hold both of these ideas in my head at the same time. Are the opposites? Or do they converge, or perhaps run parallel to each other? Maybe, they are best committed to sequentially. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve been trying to figure it out all afternoon and I’ve just about come to the conclusions that I’m mentally spinning my wheels. Maybe it’s all semantics.

Or maybe, it’s just what it means to be alive. We are alive even as we are slowly dying. We need to hope, but we also need to know the score. We dream within the context of a reality we did not create.

I do hope for my own healing. I believe in the possibility of miracles, I believe that some people are healers, I believe in spontaneous remissions, and I believe that we human beings don’t know everything (by a long shot).

On the other hand, doctors do know something. I want to prepare myself mentally, should they tell me it’s time for another surgery. Let me be clear: I do NOT want to have another craniotomy. Let me be clearer: It complicates things dreadfully to even be thinking about having another craniotomy during COVID. It’s hard. I’m afraid of it.

Things are becoming clearer as I write. If I have to do it, I have to do it. I just have to commit and not look back, not second guess.

But it’s not time to commit yet.

Today, I hope.

Please think and hope and pray with me and for me as I have my MRI Friday morning. I should get the results next week. The time in between can often be a tough stretch. I really and truly rely on your support to know I am not alone in this. Many thanks!


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Caryn Graham
Caryn Graham
3 months ago

Keeping you in my prayers, Fran.

Ann Michel
Ann Michel
3 months ago

Keeping you close to my heart this weekend, Fran❤️. Celebrate Marshall’s Fatherhood with gusto! Let the joy of that be a beautiful distraction.

Rosanne Parry
3 months ago

Holding you in prayer!

Jo Viglione
Jo Viglione
3 months ago

Just saw this. It’s 7:16 AM. You’re probably having MRI as I write. Praying now and the “waiting” days. I love how you share and express your fears/concerns and the process you go through sorting it all out. Feel like I’m right there with you, holding your hand. Know that this is exactly what’s going on. I hate that you suffer and I rejoice in your promise. Love you lady!

Christine Morlino
Christine Morlino
3 months ago

You are strong and you are not alone. Praying for you and for peace and strength as you take this next step. ❤️

Jane Meiser
Jane Meiser
3 months ago

Prayers are with you Fran, as well as your family! May God surround you with the unmistakable assurance of His love and mercy! May peace and hope and joy be yours! Lord have mercy, bring healing and health to Fran. ♥️

Julie
Julie
3 months ago

Thinking and hoping and praying with you, Fran, for you and your family…

Jill Paitsel
Jill Paitsel
3 months ago

Consider yourself prayed for at our humble abode in the mornings. This sounds very hard. I give you much credit for being coherent. God bless you sweetie. I’ll pray for Hannah and Marshall also (and Jim and Betty). The waiting will be hard for them also.

john
john
3 months ago

knowledge is power – so is love and energy and on rare occasions even gluten free vegan chocolate chip cookies – you’ve got this

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