We have a date for my brain surgery:
Thursday, February 11, 2016.
Right now, the place marker time for surgery is 5:30 a.m., but they will call me with the actual time the night before. I am fairly certain it will be in the morning, though. I will let you know the exact time when I find out on the 10th – please watch this spot for details!
Please continue to hold me and my medical team in your prayers.
The only way through this for me is grace – to let myself be carried, completely, by others. It is extraordinarily comforting to know that I cannot, should not, and do not have to do this myself. Thank you for that. It’s a huge gift.
I would especially welcome prayers at the time of my actual surgery for me and my family.
Anyone who wants to come to the hospital to pray is welcome, although I am sure Marshall and Hannah and my Mom and Dad will need to hole up and have their privacy as they wait. Still, on location prayers sound very appealing to me, if anyone is up for dropping in to pray over coffee in the UVA cafeteria. I know I won’t be alone, no matter where you are that day.
My job now is to learn how to fully allow myself to be carried by the grace, love, skills, and support of others.
This week I will be working to get a lot of things done in preparation for my surgery. But my primary goal will be preparing myself to let go completely and in full trust; to know with certainty that I will be taken care of and loved, as I have always been taken care of and loved. It is that stunningly brave prayer of Mary: go ahead, Universe, God, “let it be done unto me according to your will.” Perhaps, counter-intuitively, dependence and letting go is really the ultimate form of human “empowerment.” When all hangs in the balance, Grace rushes in to fill the void. Maybe, confronting this void is part of what we have to do in order to become fully human. Maybe, rushing into the void is the fundamental nature of Love. All I know is that if I am to truly, fully LIVE in this moment that is mine right now, I must allow myself to undergo the transformation that is set before me.
I’ve got a good feeling about this. And I know you’ll help me get there – whatever that journey winds up looking like.
The full schedule:
Friday 2/5 9:15-12:15 :Functional MRI.
UVA Hospital, Radiology.
They’ll be mapping my brain (scary for them).
Tuesday 2/9 12-4pm: Meet with surgeon, history, physical, pre-anesthesia and labs.
UVA Hospital, Couric Center.
I’ll learn more about what to expect during and after my surgery.
Thursday 2/11 5:30 a.m. (real time TBD the night prior): Surgery to remove my brain tumor.
I’ll be awake during at least part of the surgery – this will not only help my doctors perform the surgery, it will also be pretty interesting. I’ve asked my surgeons if they’ll help me be the first person to blog from my own brain surgery. It will give me something to do while they’re working. Will keep you posted.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.